You know that feeling when you see a product in the store and it looks like something really useful so you buy it and rush home. You open the box and while you knew it doesnt come assembled, How hard could it be right? I mean Im a smart guy and can figure out most things and if all else fails there is a set of instructions.
But once you look at everything and start working nothing seems to snap together or slide in and lock like it should. You finally look at the instructions but they are in Chinese, French, Arabic, Mexican, and Portuguese and no pictures.
My life lately I feel like is that. I have all these parts and I knew what the picture of what its supposed to look like on the box but how to get it there is vastly separated. Im gaining a few more tools in my tool box besides my big hammer of anger but not sure when to use them. I love the hammer because it works, doesnt it? Hammer it till it does. Wont slide into place? Pow, that wont move again. Stuck and wont come out? Bam, it's suddenly free.
So hows that working out for me? I have alot of furniture that you have to be real careful with, they arent as sturdy as they should be and could rip apart easy. I'm trying to put together a life based on this Bible and I think I'm doing it all wrong. I get into a fight with my wife and we call it quits and I go to work where theres rules to follow. I know thats wrong so I call home let her know Im coming home. I feel so good just to decide to to something different and fight for not in my marriage. That's the instructions right? I go home to plant a flag that no matter what it's just us together for forever. No walking away no stuffing feelings, no compromises just bold love like God loves us. But rejection turns to embarrassment turns to anger, and I'm out the door. Somehow my new bookcase has crooked shelves.
I go to find a job and am completely honest on my application about my expectations and what Im willing to put in. I get hired on with them expecting 55-60 hours of their random choosing in exchange for me getting 8 hours off of my set choosing. The schedule comes out Sunday for the next week and my promised time off is gone. I ask to speak to the person in charge and they blow me off. I go into work with a poisoned mind but really calm down and cleanse my thinking. I mean I know Im a good worker, they need people, and in black ink on my application they knew when I could and couldnt work right? It's just a simple oversight and not a personal attack. So I pray and go in there to talk about it and hell breaks loose. They explode defensively all over me. I am dumbfounded and have no clue about what this is about. Hell I went in there willing to work the extra hours because there was probably a reason for it and just want to stand up for myself where my boundaries were. I dont even get a chance to get angry before Im shown the door. All of a sudden I have a entertainment center that cant support my tv.
The message Im getting is life would be so much easier/better if I just keep my mouth shut, swallow everything they toss my way because eating scraps is better than going hungry. That broken part of me knows thats the truth. But a small piece of me remembers Billy telling me that God has prepared a banquet for me and waits for me to get off the floor fighting for crumbs and to take my chair beside him as a guest of honor. If I am Gods beloved son who he delights in why cant anyone else see that? Bold loves that rescues the brokenhearted sounds really good but I got slaughtered on the field. Knowing my worth losses my job.
I just really desk that doesnt lean.
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