You can bring the girl to Texas but you cant make her happy

As a disclaimer I was going to call this Chemistry of a Car Crash after the amazing song the same titled song by The Shiny Toys Guns but seemed sacrilegious in a way. But incase you don't know it...

But then I saw this

Confessing is part of the sanctification process and aids Christians in dealing with sin and healing from it.  James 5:16 says, ”Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

I recently got out of a relationship. How serious of one is still being found out if it was real then we will still be friends. If it was infatuation out of sight will lead to out of mind out of heart.
But that's neither really here or there what's important now is just today what brought me here and what will I do today to take me where I want to be tomorrow.

So the good thing I'm walking away with most is even if it failed miserably I was still willing and able to participate. That's great take away. I was able move past Peggy's death into a actually healthy honest relationship for the first time in almost three years! That's huge progress in any account. All the others were really half hearted selfish emotionless social paradigms where all I was just a taker either by actively taking from them or passively parasitically from them taking from me.

Progress can be marked by her being or possessing most of the traits I wanted for someone to be in my life. I didn't settle for denial of or minimization of her inherent flaws. Going in I knew basically all the facts and accepted them wide eyed and openly. Now that's like saying I knew I was going to Vietnam but the whole war thing was a lot more intense than I anticipated.

Why didn't things work out? Because with the divorce rate of married couples being over 50% under the best of circumstances two emotionally screwed up people have to work harder than hell to submit to the will of God to stand a chance.

• Skipped church the Sunday before. Not a good idea because even if I know something I need to be reminded what to do and when to do it.
• Skipped the Sunday meeting in it self not so bad but with scheduling I hadn't been able to make normal amount of meetings. They are like oil changes for my head and if I go to long Ill blow my head gasket.
• Had a great game but spiked with unspoken social anxiety and went home mentally exhausted
• Didn't eat right causing blood sugar spikes
• personal anxiety over emotionally charged anniversaries fast approaching such as estranged daughter Victoria's birthday, fathers day, vacation to Memphis, sobriety birthday
• work issues on my mind surrounding finances for day to day living as well as vacation plans
•  car not running loss of independence
• regular bipolar running on the back burner
• changing weather patterns causing barometric pressures to surge causing migraine to form

So really just the normal stuff of life money, sex, family, friends, work, health, etc. with out the proper use of dozens of much needed coping mechanisms. I had a scuba mask, trained for its use, just didn't realize I needed it till I was up to my eyeballs in water and it was to late.

While none of that justifies me being a sarcastic horses ass it doesn't condemn me either. I'm a sane man who sometimes does insane things. I react normally to abnormal situations. I might not of acted in the best of manner looking back after the fact but I acted like a champ controlling a skid in a wall

• didn't raise my hands in violence
• didn't try to stuff, deny, or minimize my feelings
• voiced my unsafe thoughts in a safe manner to a safe person I thought
•  followed doctors directions with medications
• followed sponsors advice to play the tape out, to do just the next right thing
• followed spiritual mentor to be still until told by God to move
• didn't trash any of her possessions she left
• didn't get drunk, high, laid, buy shiny stuff, over eat or anything else to find relief except stay uncomfortable until the feelings passed