Its the same old story told from the dawn of time. A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
I had this brother who I had to set up a boundary with. He was mad I didn't side against a former lover instead of staying friends with both. Whatever went down I'm sure that like in all relationships both were at fault to some degree and it wasn't my place to make judgment calls on their behavior. He talked to his sponsor and told me he had a "justified resentment" against me for inviting him as well as her by God to a dinner I put together. Oh did I mention he was drunk as balls and shooting dope? It was really the limit of my tolerance. So I told him I read somewhere, Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. (ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64) but hadn't read anything about a justified resentment. So I was going to have put him in the God box and put some distance between us. laying face down in the gutter and having to look up to look down on me while posting about his great spirituality, why his recovery was better than everyone else's, etc. was just to much. The path he was on and my smart mouth being in close proximity was a recipe for disaster. If I stayed in this unhealthy relationship I was going to be volunteering to be exposed to his fits of self pity and persecution syndrome, and bouts of narcissism. And since I suffer from the same I hate to have competition!
So I said I know who I am and with my short comings. One of them is sarcasm especially when I see someone close to me hurting and I don't have the "right" words so to avoid drama lets lead separate lives. I was crazy and full of myself was his response so we agreed to disagree and that was that. Weeks later when his new lover left him for his issues he decides the club and friends he abandoned aren't so crazy and full of crap to start coming around again. I'm happy to see him and welcome him back fully knowing neither of have changed. So when he acts as a victim I'm not surprised.
I was in this relationship where when we were together I was great guy, man of her dreams, more than she ever dreamed, happier every day according to her words. Once broken up I was the devil who physically, mentally, and emotionally abused her every day according to her words. HUH? Everyday? On day one if you are abused emotionally, mentally, but especially physically since that's so prevalent your a victim. Day two if you stay your a volunteer now. Battered wives who get punched in the mouth have every right if not a divine mandate to get the hell out of there right then right there no excuses. If a person stays in a relationship where they are hurt it is because they have a issue just as powerful as their abuser simple as that. I spent nine years in a abusive marriage as a professional Victimteer. I volunteered to be a victim, I keep myself in that relationship because of my issues. Was I genuinely mistreated at times, absolutely. You live intimately with anyone and character flaws will flare up and being in close proximity shit will splatter on you. But today I see how much I volunteered to be in the splash zone. Hell in my sickness I would instigate situations or purposely aggravate character flaws to keep the chaos flowing because that way I could be a victim rather than who I was supposed to be.
People say I don't like my job, my boss is a jerk. I think but you keep showing up each day? I don't like my car but you still drive it right? I hate coming to this restaurant but you willingly walk through the door right? Your getting something out of the situation or you wouldn't be participating as a volunteer. You like the money the job provides, you dislike to walk in Texas summer heat, you want to be part of the group! No one is forcing us to be in anything or do anything. We choose our actions and their resulting consequences hand in hand. If your reading this you chose to! Don't like what I have to say then simply stop listening. That's beauty and terrible burden of being free. You can volunteer to do whatever you want to but you have to live with the results but not as a victim.
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