I'm proud to call Leon my brother
because he loves me. Joe is the more charismatic people person that
people can identify with because he is so screwed up on the outside
but Leon has such a tough hide its hard to identity with him because
it seems he is so tough he must have it all together. He is such a
pansy though deep down cries at the drop of the hat and is a hugger
of all things.
I had always seen Leon around and
actively avoided him as much as possible because he was everything I
wasn’t for the first few times I started hanging around the guys. I
came to classes infrequently because I had already read the books and
wasn’t ready to hear anything really.
After dad died I went through the
Fathered by God class to avoid going to the grief recovery class. It
was the pilot class and God really got a hold of me in a big way.
Enough that when they offered up the men's retreat I signed up for
it. It was a uphill battle spiritually to make it on the trip. Stuff
just kept creeping up in my life. I made it was totally blown away by
it Friday Saturday was awesome wore myself out on the slide of death
and by Saturday night I was relaxed on a deep level. I walked into
the kitchen to find a friend and he was in there talking to Leon.
Leon was making cookies of all things. I grabbed my friend and were
headed out when Leon said He was surprised I made it in kind of a
passing way.
My friend went to go grab something
from his room and I was waiting for him. My guts got twisted up over
what Leon said and the tighter they got the angrier I got. Who the
frak was he to be surprised? Screw him! After all I fought through to
get here he is going to be so high and mighty over me looking down
his nose. Frak that! I marched in there and more enthusiastically
than needed asked him what the hell he meant. He didn’t seemed to
concerned about my righteous fury and calmly explained that he had
seen me sniffing around the group for a while now but never made a
effort to be part of. That he had noticed my name on the list but
didn’t expect it to stay there. He had seen so many guys all on
fire but burn out just as quick. He saw my name and was surprised
every week when they meet to pray over our names. When you step on
the path the enemy puts a target on your back. Leon said as wounded
as I was it would be like chum in the water for the enemy. I was to
raw to angry to sad, to hard to take to much on. Something would have
to rise up from deep within me to make it and you just don’t see
that happen. So when I made it onto the bus it was something special.
It floored me to be noticed. The old
man had noticed me a long distance when I thought I was not worth
being noticed. All along while I stealthy infiltrated their group he
had eyes on me. He was proud of me for making it this far! I pictured
those guys watching baby turtle cracking their shells on the beach
and scrambling for the ocean. So many predators just sitting on the
sidelines waiting to pick them off. Knowing the odds to get to the
water was a long shot still they cheered and prayed while birds
swooped in gobbling them up. The water doesn’t mean safety by any
means just a different danger. Leon knew that taking up the fight for
my masculine soul wasn’t over by any means the real war was only
the beginning. The ocean doesn’t feel as big or as scary knowing I
had Leon cheering me on.
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