Three years ago my world changed to this thing I'm still trying to understand. I woke up early then to. We had been up fighting about Peggy getting drunk again at her moms and I slept on the couch in our brand new house. I remember distinctly ironically "what a auspicious start!" We had just moved in I was sober about a month and a half. And we were giving it another go. I went out on my last good black out bender in February of 11 and she bolted in the middle of the day in March. We were all done then I went to Boot Camp in May and hand on a bible voice of God Charles Heston as Moses in the Ten Commandments was told to go home and fix my marriage.
Peg had been living with her mom moved in with Zoe and I at my moms wanting to get right with God, get sober, and do the whole deal right. As a adult I remember very few events in perfect clarity. 1, 2, 3 are the birth of my daughters. 4 is a wreck with a motorcycle where he died. 5 is 9/11. 6 is sitting on the couch calling Peg's phone and the cop telling me she was found unconscious. Part of me I think will always be stuck in time on that couch unable to move.
Now three years later my mourning is different. So much of the initial trauma has been dealt with on my end through the intercession of God, grief counseling, working steps, and time. Outside aggressors also have been neutralized. Peg's mom died herself, her hateful half sister cut all ties to us once I would only agree to supervised visitation, her half brothers father removed Ben from our lives as soon as he wasn't legally obligated to interact, her friend Brit got caught playing one side against the other and I dropped her.
My mourning is for everyone that was our ally in our greatest hour of need that has faded away from us. I know life happens and people just drift normally in our busy society. With so much going on people drop off. The funny thing is the more technology we have to communicate the more isolated we become from one another. Seems like the opposite should be happening.
One of the slogans passed around was "its easy to love the dead but hard to stand the living". Its meant to be how we make the dead one a saint forgetting just last week he was a son of a bitch and not appreciate the living ones still around in out lives. To those who were there for us and have moved on thank you. For those of you still in our lives who keep helping us trudge this road to happy destiny thank you. I don't have the words for the enormity of gratitude I have for you.
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