Does the manna come in cool ranch or spicy buffalo?

“If you live in the dark a long time and the sun comes out, you do not cross into it whistling. There's an initial uprush of relief at first, then-for me, anyway- a profound dislocation. My old assumptions about how the world works are buried, yet my new ones aren't yet operational.There's been a death of sorts, but without a few days in hell, no resurrection is possible.” Mary Karr

How thankful that God hears my prayers and speaks back what I need to hear. Also that since as a cosmic being his voice would melt my entire being that he uses others to pass it along. How often that I have ignored him just because he wasn't responding to me in a manner I was looking for. I wonder what else I missed while looking at to the sky instead of the posted warning signs on the road.

When the Hebrews were released from the really self imposed bondage of Egypt they were blessed not only with their freedom but were front seat witness to some pretty awesome and horrific displays of Gods power in the form of miracles. He had hardened pharaoh's heart so he wasn't doing the show to change pharaohs mind to Moses. He was doing it to show the Hebrews and the Egyptians. I take a lot of comfort in that when trying to make sense of my past. Things happened for a reason. At times I was under the whip of others and needed saving to show God mercy. At others time I held the whip so one day I could show others Gods grace by his love for me even then.   

So they hit the road and once they get past the Red Sea and the building starts to fade away Is where it starts become real. While it sucked, slavery was the normal way of life for generations and this wasn't normal yet. It was just as hot just as dirty as back home but just different in every other way! Gruel was wretched but served on time. It was dark as heck to get up to go piss in the desert in the city there were at least torches and latrines. It blew to haul heavy stones on their backs but there was a taskmaster with a physical blueprint showing what the outcome would look like. Now they were just walking following someone that had no map just following the voice of God.

That's where I found myself lately. Happy to be out of the bondage of my past but just freaking trudging the road to happy destiny. Walking in a unfamiliar territory of freedom following what I hope is the voice of God and not a tumor pressing down in just the right spot to make me hallucinate.  

I never felt comfortable in my own skin back in Egypt but I was comfortable in my surroundings no matter how dysfunctional they were. Now I'm a stranger in a strange land having to learn a whole new set of rules of living in a constantly changing landscape. I would be cool if God would say like airplane stewardess " this trip will take 40 years so enjoy the in flight movie." Instead of a voice calling me to a new land.

Everyone asks me what can they do for me to my reply is nothing I'm good. This is true in the respect that God has taken care of my daily bread type needs. False in the respect that what I need most is just encouragement to take the next step. To be reminded where I'm going when I can only remember where I have been. To let me know I'm just in the middle of a great and epic journey. That some battle will be lost but the war is won. When I'm in a dark place and my single candle flickers against the darkness bring your flame near until our combined light displaces the darkness. Hold my hands to just let me now that your nearer to me than far. If I get lost in the dark before the dawn send up a signal flare to guide me where you are. If I get lost in the forest show me the trees.