A Dare

Today I was talking with a friend and we concluded all we wanted was someone that could loves us warts and all. We laughed and joked what if everyone just knew our warts from the get go. Who would be so bold so stupid to put themselves out there. I plan on hitting church Sunday and we are in the book of James so I decided to read ahead get ahead of the game. James 5:16 screamed out at me "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

So Geronimo
My wart is the fear that I am so damaged on such a deep level that my very existence is a affront to God. That he wants nothing to do with me and I disgust him. I cant grow deep commitments to others out of fear they will see me as I see myself and go running so I drive them away first. I have trouble thinking of any other solution than a final one for any problem. My answer to every problem is scorched earth, burn it all so the enemy has nothing. I was a jack ass and loss a really nice messenger bag this week because it was filled with stuff i never planned to use again so it got thrown away. I run whenever someone gets close and believe only  the lies of my enemies not any of my defenders. I lead with the chin to go out in the 1st rounds because I don't believe I can last till the 10th.

Who could love someone like that?

Only God, and that's why he is my wart remover. I know Ive been changed because I hate myself a little less today than I did yesterday. Hope is a weed that has sprung up and despite my best efforts is growing wild. And trust me when I said I have tried to kill it it is like the super dandelion of the soul. In a field of black thorn that little white ball of fluff mocks me. I rush down and napalm the area with discord and sin till nothing but ashes remain. Satisfied i turn around to head back to the Cave of Doom and damn it if two more dandy lions have sprouted. I will never make the cover of Bitter homes and sunken gardens with dandelion's in my briar patches!

So I dare you no I triple dog dare you whats your wart? Whats the thing you hope no one ever finds out about you? I know most wont out of fear. But I know at least one person will read this and pray for me and that make fear smaller knowing healing is incoming.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

 Theodore Roosenvelt

Joe told me early on he didn't know what it would take to get me to the other side but damn it sure did feel better than where i was now.