Nothing is ever as it seems. - old saying
That can be such a true and haunting statement. It can be taken as a mantra to the heart to disable us from ever really enjoying what is happening with us. It's the serpent in the garden saying "Is that really what He said?" It erodes the foundation that a good day can be just a good day. A bad day is just a bad day. It sets up the mind to look for the other shoe to drop. I have lived under this shadow for far to long. like a thief in the night it has come in and robbed me of my joy a gold piece at a time.
"The vvision is always solid and reliable; he vision is always a fact. It is the reality that is often a fraud." - G.K. Chesterton, poet. I saw it in Love & War)
Wow that's like mental kryptonite! There is a vision I want me life to look like. Roughly Christ centered, happy, satisfied, ethical, a good father, son, and brother. Those things are true and good things. Then there is the reality of where I am today. Some frame work is up and maybe a foundation is settling in. It is fraudgulent to say that because I am not where I want to be that I am not. Not good enough, not thin enough, not clean enough, not whatever.
So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Cor 4:18
Nothing IS as it seems, it better by far! The lie that today is the final statement of how things are is completely spin doctering by the Enemy. The Devil runs a hell of a media campaign, literally! he puts together a photo portfolio of snapshot of all our bad days and shoves it in our face. he casually leaves out the good moments, the quiet moments of happiness, the sudden bursts of laughter that could of never been planned. Flat tires, broken water pipes, and missed bills are in there but heartfelt talks with people are tossed under the rug.
Seems like isn't as is. "People only see what they are prepared to see" - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American poet.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
battle cry
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
Right now I need a anthem to grab ahold of to carry me through this storm. I've always liked this quote but it is hitting home deeper in me now. It's funny how God is pacing with me in His word, classes, work, the music on the radio, the random stuff on TV. He is always by my side in the good and the bad.
Lately there has been allot of "bad". I say that in quotes because that could be of how allot of people could of perceive it to be. But honestly my bad really isn't that bad at all. Its more stupid disorganization vs. life threatening cancer. No prison time, no loss of limbs, the house didn't burn down just allot of miscommunication, friendly fire, and not taking care of what I should of been.
The Accuser is screaming a constant stream of doubt, fear, self devaluing, forever statements in my head.I'm stupid, I'm a loser, Ill always end up alone, I haven't changed at all, blah, blah, blah. Its echoed in real life by allot of people who sit in glass houses. Good Christians preaching unconditional love how we should swim in God's mercy and grace but not walking it out. I cant hate on them I tend to do the same when its close to home.
So this really reaches out to me to encourages me to keep on keeping on. To stay engaged in this life instead of just tuning out. Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Tim 6:12 To stay in the fight is hard when you haven't had a victory in a while. But I have had victory, allot of it! When the crap it the fan I had victory in getting tighter with God, I saw true friends step up, a church getting my back, family rally, all these are good things. I should be so inspired how God as the Father has come to rescue me, so i choose to be today.
It also serves to remind me to be humble. Allot of people are trying and coming up short. It's easy for me to sit on a throne of false pride and Lord knows I have done it more than my share. It bite me in the rear to take up Patrick's challenge of reading Philippians each day because it gets stuck in my head. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8 The Enemy did his best to dislodge this but when the dust settled it was still hidden in my heart. Now if I could just put on a flash drive to my head!
"Be kind to everyone you meet, they are fighting a great battle as well" - Plato
- Theodore Roosevelt
Right now I need a anthem to grab ahold of to carry me through this storm. I've always liked this quote but it is hitting home deeper in me now. It's funny how God is pacing with me in His word, classes, work, the music on the radio, the random stuff on TV. He is always by my side in the good and the bad.
Lately there has been allot of "bad". I say that in quotes because that could be of how allot of people could of perceive it to be. But honestly my bad really isn't that bad at all. Its more stupid disorganization vs. life threatening cancer. No prison time, no loss of limbs, the house didn't burn down just allot of miscommunication, friendly fire, and not taking care of what I should of been.
The Accuser is screaming a constant stream of doubt, fear, self devaluing, forever statements in my head.I'm stupid, I'm a loser, Ill always end up alone, I haven't changed at all, blah, blah, blah. Its echoed in real life by allot of people who sit in glass houses. Good Christians preaching unconditional love how we should swim in God's mercy and grace but not walking it out. I cant hate on them I tend to do the same when its close to home.
So this really reaches out to me to encourages me to keep on keeping on. To stay engaged in this life instead of just tuning out. Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Tim 6:12 To stay in the fight is hard when you haven't had a victory in a while. But I have had victory, allot of it! When the crap it the fan I had victory in getting tighter with God, I saw true friends step up, a church getting my back, family rally, all these are good things. I should be so inspired how God as the Father has come to rescue me, so i choose to be today.
It also serves to remind me to be humble. Allot of people are trying and coming up short. It's easy for me to sit on a throne of false pride and Lord knows I have done it more than my share. It bite me in the rear to take up Patrick's challenge of reading Philippians each day because it gets stuck in my head. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8 The Enemy did his best to dislodge this but when the dust settled it was still hidden in my heart. Now if I could just put on a flash drive to my head!
"Be kind to everyone you meet, they are fighting a great battle as well" - Plato
Friday, March 25, 2011
Scars
So first of all, a warning. What you find here you may not like so turn back now. Here there be dragons.
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
Rise Against, Swing Life Away
1%. Doenst seem like a very big statistic. So small its easy to overlook. Just one out of a 100 people you know. However actually how many people do we know. How many people do I came into contact with each day? At church thats huge easy a couple thousand at a full service so there is 20 people there. If at work i only help one customer per five minute thats at least 1 person per five hour shift. I go for grocerries at HEB or worse yet Walmart thats easy 5 or 6 I might of bumped into.
The 1% I'm talking about is the 2 million American people who admitted in 2010 according to Scott's counseling that admitted to self injury. Each one a soul brave enough to actually say something. That's a staggering number! More so the number that suffer it in silence!
I was talking to someone about how I really had that urge recently to do some more cutting. I have had a problem with self injury for many years till I got turned onto booze and drugs. After Dad died I had my first really serious relapse into it. It comes and goes, last month I had a small relapse. They responded "that it wasn't really a problem except for 14 year old emo kids and they got embarrassed when I wear shorts and people see my scars". My blood is still boiling when i think about that statement. Yes I agree I was a 14 year old ish kid who was in fact into the Cure, Smiths, and Pixes when I started but that was a while back. I know I'm not the only 14 turned 37 who is still willing to do whatever it takes to feel different.
"Be kind to everyone you meet, everyone is fighting a hard battle."- Plato
My first roommate had horrible knuckles. Busted up from hitting so many walls and like Russian roulette finding studs.
I know a guy who has a plastic nose due to his cocaine addiction.
I know a girl who has a horse voice from the vast amounts of stomach acid that ate away her vocal chords because she was to fat and throw up everything except bottle water and unbuttered unsalted popcorn.
Got a friend who has no idea how she will ever get out of debt but cant stop spending.
In confidence a woman told me she would never be pretty so she just keeps eating to be "the fun big girl"
To a friend his family who thinks Bi Polar is just the newest craze and he is just the failed brother the pain in the ass who never gets it right
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare
You saw it comin’ but it hit you out of nowhere
And there’s always scars when you fall that far
- Tobymac, Get back up again
Broken people all have scars. Some of us are better hiding them. The most unfortunate are those who can hide them on the inside. Bloody knuckles are easy to see a problem something you cant see you don't ask about.
In the 1982 there was G.R.I.D. (Gay-related immune deficiency). A horrible life snatcher that jack squat got done about because it was a gay disease. A disease that only affected a small percentage of people. Way less than 1% of Amercians. Now four years later in 1986 when enough "regular" people was effected it was renamed HIV and people started paying attention.
Why do we wait so long to help each other? Matt 25:45 "Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’
Whatever your faith is, none of them approve of being a horses ass to your fellow man.Thank God for my scars. They are badges screaming into a cold world I'M STILL HERE DAMN IT! Its not pretty Ill grant you. But Mark 2:17 lays it out "And hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
The scarred, the misfit, the outcast, the weirdo, the contagious, the last kid picked for the soccer team, the girl who never got asked to the dance. You'll find us likely clump in the lost and found dustbin that to find us on the cover of people magazine but that's cool we got Luke 19:10 "For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on, and come on, and
Raise your glass
- P!nk, Raise your Glass
I say a prayer for all those "perfect" and "normal" who can talk smack about how they can see my scars but cant see the healing that took place for the rent flesh to mend together in such a "unsightly' manner. They see old track marks but not the clean recovery time between. The older model paid off car but not the guy putting groceries on the table instead of a new car payment. The punk kid working behind the counter of McDonald's flipping his burger but not the first person to graduate from college in his family.
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
Rise Against, Swing Life Away
1%. Doenst seem like a very big statistic. So small its easy to overlook. Just one out of a 100 people you know. However actually how many people do we know. How many people do I came into contact with each day? At church thats huge easy a couple thousand at a full service so there is 20 people there. If at work i only help one customer per five minute thats at least 1 person per five hour shift. I go for grocerries at HEB or worse yet Walmart thats easy 5 or 6 I might of bumped into.
The 1% I'm talking about is the 2 million American people who admitted in 2010 according to Scott's counseling that admitted to self injury. Each one a soul brave enough to actually say something. That's a staggering number! More so the number that suffer it in silence!
I was talking to someone about how I really had that urge recently to do some more cutting. I have had a problem with self injury for many years till I got turned onto booze and drugs. After Dad died I had my first really serious relapse into it. It comes and goes, last month I had a small relapse. They responded "that it wasn't really a problem except for 14 year old emo kids and they got embarrassed when I wear shorts and people see my scars". My blood is still boiling when i think about that statement. Yes I agree I was a 14 year old ish kid who was in fact into the Cure, Smiths, and Pixes when I started but that was a while back. I know I'm not the only 14 turned 37 who is still willing to do whatever it takes to feel different.
"Be kind to everyone you meet, everyone is fighting a hard battle."- Plato
My first roommate had horrible knuckles. Busted up from hitting so many walls and like Russian roulette finding studs.
I know a guy who has a plastic nose due to his cocaine addiction.
I know a girl who has a horse voice from the vast amounts of stomach acid that ate away her vocal chords because she was to fat and throw up everything except bottle water and unbuttered unsalted popcorn.
Got a friend who has no idea how she will ever get out of debt but cant stop spending.
In confidence a woman told me she would never be pretty so she just keeps eating to be "the fun big girl"
To a friend his family who thinks Bi Polar is just the newest craze and he is just the failed brother the pain in the ass who never gets it right
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare
You saw it comin’ but it hit you out of nowhere
And there’s always scars when you fall that far
- Tobymac, Get back up again
Broken people all have scars. Some of us are better hiding them. The most unfortunate are those who can hide them on the inside. Bloody knuckles are easy to see a problem something you cant see you don't ask about.
In the 1982 there was G.R.I.D. (Gay-related immune deficiency). A horrible life snatcher that jack squat got done about because it was a gay disease. A disease that only affected a small percentage of people. Way less than 1% of Amercians. Now four years later in 1986 when enough "regular" people was effected it was renamed HIV and people started paying attention.
Why do we wait so long to help each other? Matt 25:45 "Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’
Whatever your faith is, none of them approve of being a horses ass to your fellow man.Thank God for my scars. They are badges screaming into a cold world I'M STILL HERE DAMN IT! Its not pretty Ill grant you. But Mark 2:17 lays it out "And hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
The scarred, the misfit, the outcast, the weirdo, the contagious, the last kid picked for the soccer team, the girl who never got asked to the dance. You'll find us likely clump in the lost and found dustbin that to find us on the cover of people magazine but that's cool we got Luke 19:10 "For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on, and come on, and
Raise your glass
- P!nk, Raise your Glass
I say a prayer for all those "perfect" and "normal" who can talk smack about how they can see my scars but cant see the healing that took place for the rent flesh to mend together in such a "unsightly' manner. They see old track marks but not the clean recovery time between. The older model paid off car but not the guy putting groceries on the table instead of a new car payment. The punk kid working behind the counter of McDonald's flipping his burger but not the first person to graduate from college in his family.
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